Two bars suspended in a dark void. Which one of these will destroy the universe?
Builder’s 20g Protein Bar Chocolate Peanut Butter
This protein bar isn’t so bad. Like many others, I actually enjoyed eating it. In fact, maybe it was the long hiatus, but I really can’t seem to find a decent dirt percentage for this. It’s got all the flavor of dirt, and none of the actual dirt. It has this strange, smoky taste that I enjoy.
Last time I had a Builder’s bar, you may remember I gave it a 87.5% dirt rating. This time, I’m happy to only give it:
Dirt Percentage: 60%
PowerCrunch Protein Energy Bar Peanut Butter Crunch
“Absolute dirt is a concept of dirt percentage that postulates the existence of a highest attainable dirt percentage of protein bars. The idea has been popularized by the Tumblr blog 100 Point Zero Percent. In this presentation, absolute dirt is assumed to be the high end of a dirt percentage scale starting at absolute flavor, which is the dirt percentage at which bad flavor is minimized and classical dirt taste is zero.
Current taste models postulate that the highest possible dirt percentage is the PowerCrunch dirt percentage, which has the value 1.416785(71)×10^459% dirt. The PowerCrunch dirt percentage is assumed to be the highest dirt percentage in conventional taste because conventional taste breaks down at that dirt percentage Our universe has actually gone through the PowerCrunch dirt percentage before. About 10^-42 seconds after the owner of the blog 100 Point Zero Percent tasted the PowerCrunch Protein Energy Bar Peanut Butter Crunch, our universe went through such an increase of bad flavor that the dirt percentage skyrocketed. Above ~10^459% dirt, the dirt taste becomes so large that there is no existing scientific theory for the behavior of protein bars at these energies. Disgusting forces between them would become as strong as other fundamental forces, requiring a hypothetical theory of everything for description.”
There you go. I couldn’t even finish this bar, that’s how bad it was. I’m sure that if you tasted dirt it would have SOME flavor. How this manages to only have 13 grams of protein simply astounds me. Wait a minute, 13 grams of protein? In a bar that only weighs 40 grams? Why do those numbers sound familiar? Let’s look up some information on the internet…
The amount of protein in flavorless dirt is known to be logarithmically proportional to the compression of the dirt flavor. As the density of dirt flavor increases, the amount of protein approaches 325g protein/1kg of dirt.
325g protein/1kg of dirt, hm? Let’s convert that into grams of dirt.
13g protein/40g dirt.
Dirt Percentage: 1.416785(71) x 10^459% dirt.